Socks with sandals! Gasp!
Apologies for the hiatus! I've been deep in the wilderness for the last week, camping with my dear husband - joyfully smacking away mosquitoes, suspiciously eyeing rain-heavy clouds, and charring our veggie dogs to a near-inedible state on a roaring campfire.
A disclaimer - Generally, I'd let campers off the hook for pretty much any fashion transgression. Getting dressed in a tent devoid of mirrors and taking care of your personal hygiene in a splinter and spider filled shack ironically called a “washroom” doesn't necessarily encourage one to look one's best. I endorse dressing for comfort while camping, or perhaps for speed, should a grizzly bear happen to cross your path while taking in the rustic scenery.
However! The last week has brought to mind the fact that, no matter the circumstances, there are always delicate fashion boundaries to be oberved. Campers will often toe these lines (socks with sandals, anyone?) Then, there are those who wilfully (or woefully) trip right over those lines to plummet into the poison ivy patch of plain bad taste.
Here's a list of camping fashion faux-pas that I've observed over the last week:
1 – Leave you stilettos at home!
So...there I was, happily wandering back towards our tent along a rough gravel trail when my progress was impeded by an obstacle – a woman (older than me and therefore undeserving of the “girl” label that might otherwise have absolved her a bit!) teetering her way along the rocky road as though it were scattered with landmines and poisonous snakes. My disbelieving eyes swept her from bleach-blonde head all the way to purple-painted toes – and fixed with particular amazement on the lady's unlikely footwear. She was wearing heels! Three inches at least. Heels that set off her butt-grazing cut-offs and belly-baring tank quite nicely, might I add (sarcastically, of course!) What in all the sartorial gods' names would compel this woman to strap on pumps, let alone pack them, miles away from any flat and stable surface on which to tread? My mind wandered, imagining this camping vixen taking a brisk nature walk along the mountain trails nearby in her perilous heels. Ah, she's probably the “stay in the RV and drink all day” type of camper, but still, the heels were just too much for me!
2 – Untuck!
This one is dedicated to my beloved husband. To me, tucking is the bane of most casual male dressing. If you're wearing chinos and a golf shirt, fine, tuck if you must. But while camping, it became distressingly clear to me that a certain sub-species of male simply does not know where to draw the line! Middle-aged men walked by me at the beach displaying prominent paunches that hung low over a cinched-in leather belt while wearing bermuda shorts and a tucked-in, thinning t-shirt. Socks with sandals were almost inevitably present as well when such cases occurred. My own dear one awoke each morning, rolled off the air mattress, and threw on jeans or shorts. Then came his tee. After he had it on, it would hang happy and free...until his hands grew restless and started the dreaded tuck. I swear, I spent half of my holiday tearing my husband's carefully tucked shirt out of his wasteband.
Sigh! I don't even know if this should be considered an official fashion faux-pas or not, it just irks me so! There's something rampantly unattractive about a guy with his t-shirt tucked in!
3 – Send it back – it's overdone
The women in this category often fell in the high heel category as well. You know who I'm talking about – the women who inexplicably smuggle their 200-volt hair dryers and a make-up case the size of a duffel bag into their camping gear. The ones with eyelashes twice their natural length, toenails carefully pedicured, lips artfully glossed and shiny hair coiffed and sprayed into submission. Now, unfortunately, I'm not one of those natural goddesses who can roll out of bed with dewy, perfect skin and sexily tumbled hair. When I unzipped the tent and emerged into the wilderness, small forest animals probably ran for cover. As a result, I'm not against a bit of powder and undereye concealer while camping. But the whole shebang? Come on! Who're you trying to impress? The moose are colour-blind, they don't know what shade your toenails are.
4 – I smell a faux-pas
So I was heading to the communal tap one morning to get the water I needed to make my life-sustaining coffee. Another woman turned out of her campsite ahead of me, looking inocuous enough in sweatpants and a jacket. And then I caught a whiff of the miasma that billowed around her and literally stopped in my tracks. What the hell? It was about seven in the morning in the middle of the woods, and this lady had woken up and somehow been compelled to baste herself in some nostril-burning perfume! Camping is about stopping to smell the (real) flowers – not dousing yourself in chemically created, so-called “floral” scents! Besides, if I were a hungry (or amorous) bear, I know where my first stop would be!
Well, now that I'm back in civilization, it's time to turn my attention back to a more urban fashion world! And (sigh!) it's back to work for me next week, so hopefully I'll get some posts up about my office's fashion faux-pas, as originally intended! Thanks for reading! I hope this little guide will save you from some serious style issues next time you're al fresco. Cheers!
